The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that basics a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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