The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" see this page They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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